Loving Cats Too Much

I have a neighbor who loves cats. Too much. She brings strays home and turns them loose on the neighborhood. For some reason they gravitate to my yard. I don't know why. Hope it's not the fish pond.

I felt sorry for them once and put out a saucer of milk. It was soy milk...with vanilla and multi-vitamins added. Cats, especially hungry cats, shouldn't be particular. A white liquid with the word "milk" in its name in a saucer should be good enough. They never touched it.

My deck has become their Playboy Mansion. I can't tell if their night howling is from ecstasy or pain. Maybe it's just me--I never can tell. After the third litter had been born in my yard and cat urine overpowered the honeysuckle, I decided the time had come to close them down.

I have some control of my back yard because it has a fence around it and I have some experience in making animals do what I want. The fence was an attempt to keep two black labradors and one brown cocker spaniel from destroying the neighborhood. This attempt turned out to be a challenge of the human intellect versus animal drive and passion. Drive and passion won. I hoped this time would be different.

I knew their two favorite places to enter the yard were from under the fence. I carefully blocked both openings and, after several failed attempts was successful in closing off their entryways.

I came home one night and squealed to a stop in the driveway as a cat was having his way with a feline in the spot where I park. He was built like a boxcar and was not about to stop. He glared at the car daring it to come any closer. He won. I retreated to the house whispering mia culpas for the interruption.

Yesterday I noticed a hole had been ripped into the fence at a different place.

Human intellect versus animal passion--passion wins every time.
   

Six Universal Laws of Vacationing with Grandchildren

I recently spent a week with three grandchildren ages two, four and six. Some of what I observed happened so frequently and consistently, I believe they must demonstrate basic truths of spending time with small children. I share them with you in the hope that you will benefit from my experience.

UL #1: Do not plan on sleeping in. Young children wake up fully wound up and ready to go. They do not need an alarm clock, wake-up call, or reason to get up early. Good luck with finding the time to brush your teeth and using the bathroom. If you're looking for a place to rent to vacation with small grandchildren, your first question should be, "Do the bathrooms have locks?"

UL #2: You cannot, under any circumstances, buy enough food. So you went to the store and bought enough food for a small city. Tomorrow you will need something else--not just anything else--something of unnatural importance, something you cannot be without, like air. The second question you should ask, "Is there a large grocery store nearby that is well stocked?"

UL #3: There are never enough adults. We had three adults and three children. The adults were hopelessly outnumbered. For one-half of a day we had five adults--that was a little better. No matter how many adults, the following will still happen: the two year old will disappear, he will climb somewhere the adults consider dangerous, he will run naked. The older children will crave your attention at the same time, will crave something to eat, drink, do, or watch. There will be moments when none of the adults will know where they are or what they are doing.  

UL #4: Grandmothers are indispensable. Grandfathers are fairly useless unless given a specific task by the aformentioned grandmother. Suggestion--if you're a grandfather without a wife--borrow, rent, kidnap, somehow find one to take along. Out of respect to other grandfathers out there, this may be my own personal law. You might have that innate ability to know what needs to be done and how to do it. I am missing that gene.

UL #5: PBS Kids is the best baby sitter when you need a few minutes to prepare a meal or take a break. All of the PBS Kids shows have a calming effect and teach things like words and numbers. I suspect PBS Kids has some kind of tricky thingamabob that sends out hypnotic rays from your TV screen to hypnotize kids six and under. I don't care. The peace it brings is better than a glass of wine. Two glasses of wine.

UL #6: A vacation with grandchildren is never as bad as Rules 1-5 make it sound. We played together, the two year old fell asleep in my arms, I held the four year old in my lap as we talked, and had some enlightening conversations with the six year old. I will cherish that week for a long time. And now I am wiser for next year. Of course they will be a year older and I'm sure will have a few new things to teach me.

Developing Characters for Children's Literature

     Someone asked me recently how I develop characters in stories for and about children. That's a good question and it has caused me to look more closely at this process. Having only written two children's novels and a few short stories, I can't say that I have a long established system, but what I do has worked thus far.

     Basically, my stories begin with the germ of an idea or theme. Then I expand the idea by asking "what if" questions and/or brainstorming using  "clustering." 

     "What if" questions might go as follows: (let's say the germ of an idea is that a young girl's mother dies and she's left to live with her father) We can ask--what if her father marries again; what if she has two mean daughters of her own; what if they make her do all the drudgery work; what if a handsome prince throws a ball looking for his princess; what if this young girl has a fairy godmother; etc. You get the point.

"Clustering" means to brainstorm connecting words,and these can lead to more ideas. For example if we chose the word "magic." Associated words might be: disappear, change, magician, fairy godmother, wand, hat, rabbit, fairy, etc. Then go deeper by taking each word: fairy godmother--wand, help, kind, rescue, etc. This method can lead to new twists you hadn't thought of before.

As the story develops, I decide on the protagonist: boy or girl, age, family, education, etc. and then go deeper. There are many good lists that are helpful to ask about the protagonist (and the antagonist) that get to her personality and faults. A list I like is in the book  Story Engineering by Larry Brooks. He suggests questions such as:

• What are her inner demons and how do they influence her actions and decisions?
• What is her worldview?
• What is her most secret yearning?
• And many others.

My characters and stories usually develop together, although she is usually well thought out in the early stages.

Any writers have other thoughts on developing characters?

   

A Part of Life We Shall Not Know

If, on a starlit night,

with the moon brilliantly shimmering,

we stay inside and do not venture out,

the evening universe remains

a part of life we shall not know.

--Rev. Marni Harmony

If we don't venture out into life, we will miss something of great value. This is true whether it is a starlit night or a stormy one, all of life has something to offer and value.

I have a friend who loves questions. Questions push us to seek answers we might  not otherwise have searched for. Here are a few questions we might ask ourselves:

• What am I missing in my life that I regret not having?
• What am I missing that I want to pursue?
• What would I have to do in order to pursue that missing element?
• How would my life change if I took up the challenge to pursue it?
• What is keeping me from the thrill of pursuit?

I hope you pursue your dreams and love the journey.

Art and Soul Festival

        If you'll be in Winter Haven, Florida on Saturday, April 16th be sure to come by the Art and Soul Festival located at 253 Avenue A, SW from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm. There will be over 50 artists, live music, poetry readings and numerous talks and discussions.

        This Festival is being sponsored by the Drops of Jupiter Gallery and the Center for Personal Growth. 

        I will be speaking about two of my books: Address Unknown and Unlikely Heroes. Guaranteed to be lots of fun and interesting artsy things going on. I tend to want to have conversations rather than just talk myself. This gives the participants the opportunity to get what they want from the program and, hopefully, makes it more interesting for them.

I hope to see you there.   

Helping the Bully

     We usually think of the bully as someone who should be punished for his bullying behavior, we don't have any desire to help him. When the bully is a child, however, without help to change that behavior, the bully has a good chance to grow into a criminal lifestyle. One study showed that 60% of boys who were bullies in middle school had at least one criminal conviction by age 24. Not good.

     I am aware of one elementary school counselor taking a child who had made remarks about killing another person and working with him to help develop compassion and understanding for that person. It is too early to know how that child will turn out, but I would bet money that he now has a better chance of escaping an antisocial lifestyle.

     Here are some ways to help the bully:

• Don't minimize the problem, treat it seriously.
• Don't believe everything your child tells you--check out the facts.
• Try to find out why your child is exhibiting bullying behavior, get professional help if necessary.
• Let your child know that bullying behavior is not tolerated.
• Don't model bullying behavior, such as threats, slaps, etc.

This is the last of my series on bullying behavior. It has become a special interest of mine since a bully became a  part of my novel Address Unknown.

Have you had an experience with bullying? I would be interested in hearing about it.

Parents Should Be Aware of the Many Types of Bullying

I was happy to learn this past week that the White House is holding a conference on bullying. Perhaps this will give it the national attention it deserves. So often we pay attention to bullying when a tragedy has occured, too late to help the victims. We should be mindful of bullying at all times.

In keeping with this, following are the types of bullying:

1. Physical Aggression: Hitting, pushing, kicking, spitting, stalking.

2. Verbal Aggression: Name calling, teasing, insulting remarks, threatening, disrespecting a persons race, disability, appearance, religion, sexual orientation, or anything different about the person.

3. Emotional Aggression: Spreading rumors, isolating a person from a peer group.

4. Sexual Aggression: Unwanted sexual advances or actions intended to make the person uncomfortable, embarrassed, or humiliated, and might include obscenities or gestures, exposure or physical contact.

5. Cyber Bullying: Using the internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phone to communicate words, images, or language to willfully harm a person as described above.

Any thoughts about bullying? I would love to hear from you.